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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24654952">you can do better (i'm better, so why is he closer than i've been?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/awritersworld/pseuds/awritersworld'>awritersworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/F, Handon is a thing but not really, Hope is so confused and wants to stop being emotionally hurt, Hope kind of becomes a dick when Jade gets involved, Hosie, Jade helps Josie, Jasie moments, Josie has ocd, Landon is a dick, Lets get sad, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Stream Let Him Go, mention of past posie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:47:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24654952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/awritersworld/pseuds/awritersworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope being done with Landon but can't find it in herself to leave the safeness of him for the unknown with Josie. Even when she knows she needs to let him go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Milton "MG" Greasley/Lizzie Saltzman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>1. I had published this back late March/early May but had accidentally deleted it and couldn't find the chapters I had written until yesterday. So, now I am republishing and fixed any errors and mistakes I saw.<br/>2. Warning: This story will contain a character having Obsessive-Complusive-Order (OCD), so it will get intense in particular chapters. I have been doing tons of research (and still doing so) to make sure that OCD is much more than what people see it as. There are several people whom struggle with it and want to spread awareness of it. If you have any information about it, please share it with me.<br/>3. This is my first time writing something like this so do not be afraid to tell me I have a grammar, spelling, or plot mistake. </p><p>Okay, enjoy! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Take my hand and let me take you on a journey that you’ve been missing. Please?” Pleaded Josie as she stared into ocean eyes that made her a crumbling mess. Seeing the desire for escaping, but hesitation because there was someone else holding her back.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> “Promise me that when things begin to tear, you’ll try to stitch them back up instead of letting a hole appear?” Hope questioned, obviously attempting to hide the concern and slight doubt she had. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> It doesn’t take a scientist to understand the idea of Hope’s statement, because Josie knew. She had been in the same predicament when she wanted Penelope to stay. The raven-haired girl left, declaring that Josie would realize she did what she did in time to come; however, when she did, it only broke her more. And now, Hope was experiencing the same actions with Landon leaving his problems behind while he runs away. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I won’t promise that a hole won’t appear, but I can promise that if one does, I will stitch it up. Because it’s only temporary. A person decides if they want to leave the hole there or not. It only worsens or it gets fixed. I’ll fix it, but I need you to meet me half way when you’re ready.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> <em>Josie was aware that she was ahead by a long shot. It was no question that what they had-have is greater than what she ever felt with anybody else. This was a game she could win, but it isn’t and rather than winning, all she wants is for Hope to decide if she is her everything. She wants to be Hope’s everything. She’d give Hope anything. But it would be okay if she wasn’t. Her mind was set to being the person Hope wanted her to be. And Josie can live with that until Hope is ready.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> Unfortunately, the reality is that the older teen is ready, just—Josie is aware that as much as Hope feels for her, she can acknowledge the fact that when she does take Hope in her arms, the girl won’t embrace her back. She knows Landon is still etched at the back of Hope’s mind. And though it hurts, Josie won’t allow herself to be selfish. She can’t. It wouldn’t be fair, because she understands. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Sunrises and sunsets are two of the most beautiful views Josie came to appreciate. The bleak golden rays peaking from beneath night’s control before blooming into the baby sky like bonnets in the spring. How its hues were the warmest colours of the rainbow, sharing its first smile of the day. A reminder that the day has just begun. It was nature’s good morning. Oh, but when it came to bid goodbye, the sunset had its lasting effect. Changing from golden to amber and tangerine, painting the sky with hues of fiery red and crimson before sinking behind the horizon and whispering goodnight. But in recent years, they’ve ranked from first to second.</p><p> </p><p> Taking one glance to her side, Josie found her perfect illustration. The only masterpiece she’d be forever grateful for. <em>She</em> smiled softly and observed nature working with grace, and Josie, well, she admired the art seated next to her.</p><p> </p><p> “Do you always come out here at this time?” Hope asked, causing Josie to break from her trance.</p><p> </p><p>  “Huh? Uh, yeah-I prefer being one of the only students and teenager to appreciate our home that we’re destroying,” Josie answered, with a hint of attempted sarcasm being thrown in. She took note of her comment and added, “That was meant to be more lighthearted. I guess sarcasm isn’t a strong suit of mine. Heh.”</p><p> </p><p> And maybe it wasn’t, but earning a giggle out of Hope Mikaelson just might be.</p><p> </p><p> “Well, you’re not wrong, Joy…”</p><p> </p><p> <em>Joy.</em></p><p> </p><p> If anyone else had given her the name, Josie probably would have been more distained of how it sounded, but the second Hope whispered it, she fell in love with its sound. Because anything and everything that left the other girl’s mouth sounded pure and angelic. Even when she’s enraged. Her voice carried volume but not loudness. Commands but not demands. It was inviting, but not desperate. Fragile, yet enduring. Power that pleaded for attention without begging. It was a given, and Josie could listen forever.</p><p> </p><p> Step back, she thought to herself. She needed to keep herself in check and not fall deeper than she already has. She can’t do that to Hope. Not right now at least.</p><p> </p><p> Or maybe she could allow one moment of selfishness. Just a moment to reassure the other girl she was there. To provide comfort and a hand for secure. A second of intimacy to feel the raw emotions they have resting between the gaps of existence and non-existent. To demolish the wall of hesitation. Just for a short period of time. While they are away and isolated from the curiosity of others.</p><p> </p><p>“May I hold your hand, Hope?”  </p><p> </p><p>  Silence.</p><p> </p><p> More silence.</p><p> </p><p> Josie begins to wonder if she might have crossed the line. They haven’t gotten the chance to discuss about boundaries and here she is, wanting permission to take hold of Hope’s hand. Her attention now zooms in on the soil beneath her shoes. Had she made a mistake already?</p><p> </p><p> Getting lost in her thoughts and regrets, Josie doesn’t take notice of the other and her actions. A pair of eyes laid fondly on the younger girl, holding appreciation mixed with impressiveness.</p><p> </p><p>Josette Saltzman asking Hope Mikaelson to <em>hold hands</em>?</p><p> </p><p> Josie wonders if Hope thinks about why Penelope felt the need to go when she provided her everything a girl could ask for. If she questions Josie’s loyalty, how she is patient enough to stay while the older girl goes through this ache of heartbreak, wait for Hope to ease back into life without <em>him, </em>and overall, respecting the boundaries that Hope laid out.</p><p> </p><p> Why could she not let go of the guy causing her pain, while Josie stayed connected to her?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>“Why do you still hold on, Jo? He still holds her even if he isn’t here.” </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> Landon Kirby will be forever engraved in Hope’s heart, but it doesn’t mean she’ll hold onto him forever. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Because letting go of Landon means losing her first love. But having the moments become nothing more than mere memories to play when Hope needs reassurance that he wasn’t the one to last forever. He can keep coming back, but there will be a point when he does, and she won’t be there waiting for him. I know, Lizzie. And I’m going to wait. If I’m wrong, she’ll tell me. When she does, then I’ll let her go.”</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The welcoming of Josie's frame of mind and what a portion of her day consists of.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first actual chapter of the story and it is in the mindset of Josie Saltzman. You'll get a small insight on what goes on through her mentality and how damaging a portion of it can take a toll on a person.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Romance shares its stories through those taking life’s journey. They write their own story in their own way without realizing it. Their writing begins when they gain consciousness of their own mind. Each pivotal moment they have, is the creation of a new chapter, and hopefully a leading to an ending worth it all. It’s hunger for what they desire, but not all of them receives their wants.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>L</strong>osing oneself becomes the first to go, or maybe the last, or not at all. <strong>O</strong>verthinking creates insanity, or maybe it doesn’t. <strong>V</strong>ulnerability consumes emotions, actions, words, and might even form accidents or maybe intentions instead. <strong>E</strong>verything shifts one way or another, regardless if it’s desired or not; however, how does one write the outcome?</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Speckles of white delicately tumble from the clouds above. Each flake trailing one another and landing in chocolate waves, clinging onto the strands that dangled when Josie leaned forward. She cupped a portion of compacted snow in her now numb palms and morphed the ice into a smooth sphere before examining it then shaking her head in dissatisfaction. Crumbs of snow fall through her thin and frozen fingers as she presses against the white-like-sand with both hands. She was never one to be induced to immerse herself in outdoor activities, but she promised Lizzie she’d work on what they’ve been practicing.</p><p> </p><p> Josie straightened up when she pushed herself back on two feet. She took a glance at her hands and hissed at the burning sensation she was beginning to feel. If only she had remembered where her pair of gloves had been placed. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to have gone out. Especially since the last time she lost those gloves, she—she needs to stop.</p><p> </p><p> It only takes the brunette seconds to snapback to her reality. She knows it’s better to walk away. Taking steps left to right. Then right to left. A pattern she created to calm her nerves. She trudges through the snow and wonders how people enjoy being out in this weather. God, she despises winter. But it happens to be the only season she loathes. She’ll never share her reasons though.</p><p> </p><p> Did she leave the lights on?</p><p> </p><p> One hour. That’s all she had to spend outside. Really it wasn’t that she was against the outdoors-she has a strong love for mindless adventures-but more so the idea of spending it with frozen water scattered around the ground and over every object one touches. From an outsider’s perspective, they’d see a young teenage girl brooding over having to spend her time outside instead of being cooped up inside. It isn’t too far from the truth, yet it was.</p><p> </p><p> Maybe this would be it.</p><p> </p><p> Everything <strike>is </strike><em>was</em> going fine.</p><p> Until it wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p> Ten minutes. Ten minutes and fifty-four seconds. The world is still spinning, children are still laughing, nothing is cracking, and her existence still lives. Tick. Tick. Elven minutes. Six seconds have passed. One-minute left. She’s counting.</p><p> </p><p> Unfortunately, Josie feels as though life has been paralyzed in place and her surroundings have transitioned into suffocation. Her body temperature rose from an icicle to a boiling pot of water. A bead of sweat inches its way onto her forehead and down to her neck. Her breathing shortened. Her eyes darted from person to person. Her vision switching to a lens that focused on one person or object. Emphasizing on the centerpiece while the background fades and blurs. Like being backed up against a wall and having the blame on her. Her fingers tremble, and her heart races. She is on the verge of having an outburst, but she needed to restrain herself from doing so. She promised. All she has to do is to stay out for the rest of this minute. A minute which felt like an eternity.</p><p> </p><p>Did she leave the lights on?</p><p> </p><p> She believes she’s fine. Like she isn’t in pure torture. None of this is hurting her and it’s going to be okay. It will be okay. It’s going okay. Okay is decent. Decent is okay. Same meaning, different words. Now it’s a ramble. Now she’s speeding up but slowing down. Deciding but not deciding.</p><p> </p><p> No. No. No.</p><p> </p><p> “Left to right. Right to left…” Josie whispered, staring down at her feet which made no movement.</p><p> </p><p> Focus. Focus. Focus.</p><p> </p><p>Did she leave the lights on?</p><p> </p><p> She becomes nauseous. A whimper escapes when she realizes that it’s all becoming too much. She’s sure a minute has passed, however, the idea of staying out longer than she’s used to, set alarms to go off. She didn’t wash her hands—she is not okay. She is not okay. She—</p><p> </p><p> “—Josie!”</p><p> And then, <em>she</em> appeared. With arms stretched out and hands showing surrender, Hope waited for Josie to respond. She waited to see if she can step forward, or stay back until the younger girl acknowledged her. “I’m here…”</p><p> </p><p> Hope was prepared. She knew the routine and she knew it by heart. She always managed to work with it, so it never got questioned. It was her instinct.</p><p> </p><p> Six steps. Follow them in order.</p><p> </p><p> No mistakes.</p><p> </p><p> Just help.</p><p> </p><p> Did she leave the lights on?</p><p> </p><p> <strong><span class="u">Step One:</span> Stay and remain calm.</strong></p><p>
  
</p><p> “Hope…” Josie mumbled. She managed to lock her attention on the girl standing a few feet away, with her arms out and hands spread wide. Hope. Hope is there. Hope. It’s her. Hope. “Hope…Hope…Hope…Hope…” She repeats, her mind still spinning, but easing back to its originality.</p><p> </p><p> Hope kept her feet grounded. She wasn’t leaving.</p><p> </p><p> “I’m here for you…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Step Two:</span> Medication.</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> There is none. Hope isn’t Josie’s guardian. She legally cannot have it in her possession. The people in charge of it, are the brunette and her father. Though Josie isn’t allowed to keep ahold of it, so Alaric has it. Besides, she’s helped the girl without it. If Alaric won’t do his job, then she wouldn’t mind being the one to watch over the brunette and do it in her own way. Their way.</p><p> </p><p><strong> <span class="u"> Step Three:</span> </strong> <strong> Ask what she needs.</strong></p><p>
  
</p><p> Hope watched Josie’s actions, only taking one step closer when Josie hid her trembling hands behind her back. “What can I get for you, Josie?” Her voice filled with concern though out-weighed by the softness that carried out.</p><p>
  
</p><p> A question asked with no response. It’s to be expected, yet Hope asks another.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you need water? I have your water bottle. Filled half way, four cubed ice, and one lemon afloat, right?” Hope keeps one hand up while using the other to grab ahold of the mini bag dangling slightly off her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p> She brings it to her front, fumbling as she takes the zipper between her thumb and index finger.</p><p> </p><p> One sip should do the trick.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Step Four:</span> Short, simple sentences.</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Say one thing of encouragement. Simple yet effective. It can provide more strength than what one realizes.</p><p> </p><p> Don’t mention anything related to what is going on unless it is a positive outlook on the situation. The victim may receive an overwhelming amount of guilt if they hear a critical comment about them being a danger.</p><p>
  
</p><p> “Left to right. Right to left…” Josie is much closer than before, but kept her distance. That’s when Hope knew.</p><p> </p><p> Hope doesn’t need to be told to keep an eye on Josie. Because her attention will constantly focus on Josie. And Josie only (well, one would think). “I’m proud of you, Josie…” She hands over the bottle of water to the brunette, stepping an inch closer without alarming the girl. “I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong><span class="u">Step Five:</span> Predictability.</strong></p><p>
  
</p><p> Don’t ever commit an action that hasn’t been done before. Avoid any ounce of unpredictability. The reaction Josie might produce could be more damaging to her mentality rather than soothing it. Be in her line of vision, do steps one through four then six when she motions a sign that she’s okay.</p><p> </p><p> <strong><span class="u">Step Six:</span> Count with her.</strong></p><p> </p><p> Josie nodded her head at Hope’s statement. She’s thinking properly now and waiting for a second before opening her mouth, whispering, “Do you remember the order?”</p><p> </p><p> “You count to three. I count from four to six, then we both count to ten. We repeat once after.” Hope informs. Of course, she’d remember anything that helps the younger girl. She knows Josie counts on her for support. No one else does (Lizzie tries, but Josie could never put her sister through her torture when the blonde suffers one of her own).</p><p> </p><p> “One, two, three…”</p><p> </p><p> “Four, five, six…”</p><p> </p><p> Together. “Seven, eight, nine, and ten.” Repeat.</p><p> </p><p> Josie moves her vision downwards to the ground and sighs before counting from one to three. Hope counts from four to six and in unison, the count from seven to ten without any problems.</p><p> </p><p> Within this moment, Josie’s perspective on the older girl formed from an emotion to an <em>indescribable feeling</em>.</p><p> </p><p> Funny how it takes only one person to understand Josie even when they don’t.</p><p> </p><p> Maybe that’s why Josie works on what she learns.</p><p> </p><p> Because Hope doesn’t see conflicts.  Being the only one keeping Josie sane, contains a value of depth that others will discard. They lack understanding. Hope doesn’t force an emotion of discomfort. Or one that creates the feeling of isolation. Josie never feels out of character when Hope is within her presence.</p><p> </p><p>Did she leave the lights on?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>_</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> “I know you said six is the preferred number of cubed ices, but I accidentally dropped two. I remember you mentioning that four is alright as long as it’s—”</p><p> </p><p> “—Tell me about your day, Hope. Paint my mind with your illustration of words. Rough patches with the boldest strokes. Tell me all.”</p><p> </p><p> Focus on yourself instead of someone else. Don’t abandon yourself for too long.</p><p> </p><p> Silence produces more than just silence. It displays a deafening volume yet blares a melody of thoughts. Depending on how one perceives it. A symphony of unspoken words waiting to unravel for ears within reach. A discovery to be birthed for those seeking the necessity of comfort. A journey of self-reflection when tracing their wrong doings. An awakening of achievements one went after. One voice. No sound. Use it. Appreciate it.</p><p> </p><p> Neither one makes an effort to share what they’re thinking. Both at opposite ends, though inviting corresponding stories. Well, one of them.</p><p> </p><p> Hope Mikaelson is a variety of sorts; unfortunately, she’s living in someone else’s mentality. Shaping into a person who is providing a love, but not receiving any of it in return. Losing herself for a lover like <em>him</em>, and acknowledging the fact that it isn’t okay; she’s yearning for an escape. An escape that’s freedom and when she’s ready to take her risk, she looks back and returns to her prison. He holds a value inside of her. One that she isn’t sure is worth losing everything else.</p><p> </p><p> “Landon is leaving, Josie. And I don’t know why I’m not enough for him to—why am I never enough for him to stay? Why can’t he come to me when he’s hurting? What makes him run from his problems or run from me? Where does he go? How do I continue to have him come back to me? I deserve more, or maybe it’s just me wanting to play it safe.” Hope’s words contain a scream for help. Reaching and reaching ‘til she’s almost there until her grip is lost. Anyone out there?</p><p> </p><p> “He manipulates me. Absorbs what words affect me because he knows I’ll apologize. Questions why I love him because I’m always the first to speak for him. Drives me insane because that’s what love is when I know it’s deeper than that. Is the reason why the only <strike>people</strike>-<em>person </em>in my life<em>, </em>besides him, is you. Everything he does…always disappearing…but when he returns and tells me that he regrets hurting me, I crumble in his arms.”</p><p> </p><p> Josie understands the feeling of being left, but she wishes she could understand the ache of Hope’s confliction. Instead, she’ll hold Hope with her patience, loyalty, and care.</p><p> </p><p> “Take your time. No one is rushing you to discover what you’re searching for. Going through this will only help you grow…and by the end of it, you’ll know why things went the way they did. For now, the only thing I can tell you that’s a fact is that…<em>you</em> will always be worth staying for.”</p><p> </p><p> Did she leave the lights—<em>stop.</em></p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> Josie Saltzman writes the outcome of her story when she learns the reality of love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Will share that this chapter and the next are the insights of Josie and Hope's perspective. The rest of the chapters (except for a few) won't really be from anyone's perspective but that might change depending on how I feel will help convey the story.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is simply an introduction to the story and not an actual chapter. </p><p>Again, if you have any stories of your own or know someone who struggles with ocd and do not mind sharing, please comment them below. I'd love to know how people can help you with going through that. Know that I am here for you lot and will do everything I can to help out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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